Chapter 9

See That Love Is Present Even After an Object of Affection Is Gone.

One of the key things we become upset about is whether or not we have a person we can share love with. This issue becomes even more complicated when romance is involved. Romance is not the same thing as unconditional spiritual love. It is a body-based activity that involves biochemical reactions.

Have you ever heard a person say something such as, “I just do not feel that way about you”? Or have you watched a romance movie where a triangle of three people is involved? Early on you get a sense of which two of these three people are supposed to be together, and you get a sense a relief when the correct two people are finally together as a couple.

Regarding correct two people, in this world there is the compatibility factor. However, it is not correct to say that one person is more worthy of being in love with than is another person. Unconditional spiritual love does not play favoritism in such a way.

Romantic love is often based on superficial factors such as how physically attractive a person is, his or her place in society, and his or her monetary wealth level. It is not surprising that factors that relate to sexuality and financial welfare become involved, because romance is a body-based activity.

There is also the matter of how factors such as neediness and jealousy can play a role. We can become so insecure about a relationship, that we end up spending a lot of time worrying if a particular person loves us, how much the person love us, and will he or she will continue to do so.

Sometimes we end up falling in love with our concept of another person, and our concept might have little to do with who that person is. Such an infatuation-based approach can lead to great disappointment. Also, eventually, romantic feelings wear off, and when they do we might seek a new relationship. If we are married we might not be as quick to do so, and will instead have children or get a pet as we attempt to feel the void.

I do not mean to suggest that relationships do not have any true element of love and that we cannot share actual love with a partner, child, friend, or pet. However, we cannot find true fulfillment in such a way. It is possible to feel lonely even when we are with others. Nevertheless, because we are afraid to be alone, we often cling to a relationship even when it is not worth clinging to.

I currently live alone and have been doing so for a number of years. For a while, despite my spirituality, I would occasionally feel lonely. But then I would meditate and feel divine love and oneness, and I would no longer feel alone. Eventually I reached the point where I asked myself, “What is the point of feeling lonely now and then, when I am always connected to my spirit-self, God, and whomever is consciously connected to God?” I decided there is no point, and when I am home alone, I no longer feel lonely.

Somewhat related to this is the factor of what we believe is necessary in order for love to be fully there. Some people might say another body. Because our spirits are able to find love even when we are not incarnated in a body, this is not so.

Sometimes we believe that the physical attractiveness of our partner is necessary in order for our love to be complete. We will believe something such as ”I need the beauty of a lady,” or “I need the handsomeness of a man,” in order for our experience of love to be complete. We might spend a lot of time looking at the living image, photo, or memory of how our partner looks as we think of love. Quite naturally, sexuality is frequently a part of this process.

We are deluded when we do such a thing. What our partner is has nothing to do with a biological body. The spirit that makes use of the body we look at is the being who is aware of us. This spirit does not look anything like a biological body. Not even a biological body is what we imagine it to be. Light reflects off the outer surface of a person’s body, strikes the retinas of our eyes, and the related nervous system and parts of our brain form an image that has very little to do with what a body actually is. If you peeled away the skin from a person (please do not actually do so) you would see things such as muscle fibers, fatty deposits, and blood vessels. If you looked a little deeper you would find various biological organs. If you looked at a person’s skin closely you would see that it is made up of cells, which are in turn made up many molecules that are made up of atoms. The same is true with other bodily parts. Certainly all of this is not what we have in mind when we say, “I am in love with that person.” Rather, we are in love with the image our brain and nervous system creates and the concepts our minds form.

Once again, I do not mean to imply that no actual love at all is involved when we share love with another person, but the part of ourselves that makes it seem as if one person is worthy of being in love with while another is not, is based on delusion. There is a way of being where all souls love each other completely. This is so much so that there is no need for things such as neediness, jealousy, insecurity, and body-based attractiveness issues.

I have found that the more I have let go of the concept that I need to be involved with a woman I find attractive in order obtain love, the more I have been able to experience it spiritually. It is not possible to experience and live according to divine love and oneness completely if we insist on holding on to limited and false ideas about how to obtain love.

One morning I meditated right after I woke up. I had a difficult time doing so because I was sleepy. Suddenly I had a nonphysical experience where I found myself in a place, and a lady I used to have a crush on was located there. I tried to kiss her, and she would not let me. So instead I took off flying and flew through an expanse of love. Not only did I experience love, I no longer felt sleepy.

I believe my higher self and/or spirit guidance helped me have this experience in order to help me see that I do not need that body-based sexmance (sex and romance) thing in order to experience love in a way that is complete. In fact, there is great joy and freedom connected to the fact that we do not need body-based activity in order to experience love in a way that is truly wonderful and complete. Beings of love and light do not miss things such as pretty faces. I do not mean that we should not share affection with each other by touching each other in loving ways, but it is good to be aware that such activities have their limits. Here is a meditation I found to be helpful with my spiritual growth.

Meditation # 4; See That Love Is Present Even After an Object of Affection Is Gone:

  1. Tune in to your spirit-self by using some of the beginning guidelines for Meditation # 1.
  2. Imagine yourself sharing love (I do not mean romance) with another person. When you do so, remember that space does not exist in the linear way we imagine, and to a degree that is hard to quantify it is possible to make an energetic connection to another person. Therefore, you need to take care to not invade the psychic space of another person. If there is somebody you are currently involved with in some way and you believe he or she would not mind you doing so, imagine yourself sharing love with that person. If there is not a person you are currently involved with, imagine yourself sharing love with an imaginary person. While imagining in such a way you might use the memory of sharing love with an actual person to spark your imagination.
  3. After you reach the point where you feel love, stop thinking of the person you thought of, and notice that the love you were feeling does not go away. This is so because love does not actually come from another person. It comes from our spirit-selves and their connection to God and all beings that abide with God.
  4. Now imagine yourself sharing love with another person. Notice that the love you feel now basically feels the same as the love you felt the first time you imagined sharing it with another person.

Do not make this meditation an all-or-nothing test. The understanding it leads to can become deeper as the days pass by. It is a matter of replacing false concepts of how to obtain love with a truth-based understanding of how to do so. Growing in love in such a way does not mean you will not be able to share love with other people (and a pet if you have one). In fact, you are likely to be able to share love with them more completely and in a way that does not include dependence. It could be that the person you share love with feels dependent on you. You might make the mistake of believing that in order to be loving towards this person, you have to buy in to their desired game of interdependence. If you live according to unconditional love, however, this is not true because such love will enable you to love a dependent person completely without your being dependent on that person. Or in other words, you do not have to become involved with a dependence game in order to love another person completely. When we become involved with another person’s dependence game, we do not actually help them.